Why am I in Recovery While Others Didn’t Make It? (part 2)

I started writing about this in my previous post which you can read here.

So I ended up sitting on Sandylands Promenade, between Heysham and Morecambe, on the morning of April 22nd 1984 (I always thought it was the 21st until I checked on Google Calendar).

 

a_slopes_1

Called Sunshine Slopes on the photo but known to me as Sunny Slopes

Anyway, there I was, no money, nothing to drink, not sure if I had any baccy or papers but I certainly felt as though I was at the end of something.

And it was then that things changed. Continue reading

Addiction and Greed

Since writing my previous posts about how I believe my addictions are linked to my personal traits and foibles (great word foibles, worthy of Miranda Hart), I’ve been thinking more about how I am and how I was and how this influenced my drinking and drug use.

The character trait I’ve been thinking about most is greed, what Merriam-Webster defines as ‘a selfish desire to have more of something (especially money)’. Money was never a big one with me, except in so far as I needed money to get what I wanted (needed?) But I was always greedy, at least from as far back as I can remember – greedy for toys, for sweets, for anything that gave me pleasure. And I’m still that way. I have an e-reader and I’m forever looking for new books to read, even though I’ve got more than I can read in a lifetime. The same with music, or podcasts. What I want is all of it, all the music, the books, the podcasts the ……. Well, you get the drift.

So I was thinking about how greed and my addictions fitted together and I see that, in my addictions, I was always greedy. I can remember spending evenings at a friend’s house where we would sit around sharing a joint. Where other people would be satisfied with a few smokes I wanted more. The same with alcohol; I was a greedy drinker, trying to suck as much Carlsberg Special or vodka or whatever I could get hold of down my throat, at least until the shakes and the terrors eased off. But I suspect that addicts generally are greedy, although I can only speak for myself.

It was as though I could never get enough, even though I would usually fall into a drunken stupor. Then when I came round I’d be off again, looking for more, more, more. Continue reading

1969 – Bread on the Night, Liverpool Scene

liverpool scene

I had thought this album was released earlier than 1969 as it was around this time that I first encountered cannabis. Ah well.

There used to be a hall on China Street in Lancaster. I think it was called Priory Hall but I’m not sure. if I ask Steve, he’ll know. Anyway, it was there that we (Steve and I) went to watch Liverpool Scene. They were a group of poets with musical accompaniment. The best known member was Adrian Henri, a poet from Liverpool who had already become fairly well known from two poetry books, ‘The Mersey Sound’ (1967)the mersey soundand ‘It’s World that Makes the Love Go Round, (1968)its world that makes the love go roundI don’t know who did the cover for this book, but it certainly fits the times.

So we went to the concert. It was good. Before Liverpool Scene we had what seemed like several hours of Jeff Nuttall reading from his book ‘Bomb Culture’. Then came Liverpool Scene.

Continue reading