Our hero (We call him that not because he is particularly heroic, but rather due to him being the focus of these posts – I think there’s some vanity in there as well, after all he is the one writing this), has been called in by the Blog Administrator to deal with problems raised by his last post (which you can read here), where he went completely outside the remit of the blog. The meeting is taking place in the Blog Administrator’s office, which is not as luxurious as you might think, and does smell slightly of old blankets.
Blog Administrator: I take it you know why I’ve called you in?
Blogger: Something to do with your rules, wasn’t it?
Blog Administrator: Not my rules, the rules of the blog. If you look at the masthead it states quite clearly, ‘A lifetime of music, books, addiction and recovery’. Agreed?
Blogger: I suppose so. But I was ……
Blog Administrator: You suppose so! Does it, or does it not, state at the top of the blog what the blog is about?
Blogger: Yes. But ….
Blog Administrator: And does it say anything about cars and parking?
Blogger: No, but it was just something I …..
Blog Administrator: It was just something you? This isn’t about you. This is about giving the people what they want, and what they want is music, books, addiction and recovery, Not you droning on about whatever is rolling about in that tiny brain of yours at any particular moment. Do I make myself clear?
Blog Administrator: What?
Blogger: Litter. Litter’s what I want to write about. There’s too much of it and I want to do something about it. If I can just do one little po……..
Blog Administrator: Enough! You’re not going to write about litter. Haven’t you been listening? Can’t you write something about books? Surely there’s a book you’ve been reading that you’d like to mention.
Blogger: Actually, there is. I’ve just finished reading Harriet Says by Beryl Bainbridge. I was about half way through when I realised I’d read it before. Didn’t stop me enjoying it though. I’m a big Beryl Bainbridge fan and I’ve read nearly all her books. Harriet Says was her first novel and she had real trouble finding a publisher. Nearly everyone she sent it to rejected it, either because they thought the main characters, two girls in their early teens, were too unpleasant, or because of their relationship with a middle-aged man. I bet it had something to do with their rules. Anyway, it’s more of a subtle, psychological horror story than anything, and reminded me strongly of that fantastic American horror writer, Shirley Jackson.
Blog Administrator: See, that’s more like it. Just stick to the things people want to read about, stay within the remit, and you’ll be fine. You know, I don’t like to keep calling you in for these chats. It upsets me to have to give you a dressing down.
Blogger: Okay. Can I go now?
Blog Administrator: Yes. But just remember – books, music, addiction and recovery. Let that be your mantra.
Blogger: Thank you, your blogness. But about the litter..
Blog Administrator: Goodbye.