Addiction – It’s not about the drugs

When I first went to Alcoholics Anonymous, which you can read about here, I thought that everyone was there because they had a problem with alcohol and that, having stopped drinking, they were now okay. I knew my problems were deeper than that so I soon dropped out.

Eventually the penny dropped, they weren’t there because they had a problem with alcohol, but because their lives were unbearable with or without alcohol. The same for Narcotics Anonymous and drugs (I went to lots of NA meetings as well).

What I realised over time was that alcohol and other drugs (and by the way I don’t think of alcohol separately from other drugs but, if I just write ‘drugs’, some people will think I’m not also writing about alcohol; they’re all ‘drugs’), anyway, what I realised that alcohol and drugs were what I used to try and fix what was wrong with me and, being the person I am (see herehere and here), they eventually became problems in themselves. So, in order to do anything about the underlying fears and phobias and insecurities, I needed to stop drinking and using.

Over the last 30 years or so I’ve made major inroads into the underlying mess. I still have fears and phobias and insecurities but they’re all at a much lower level, they’re manageable now. But even if they were totally gone and I was a perfectly balanced member of the human race I wouldn’t want to.

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A perfectly balanced member of the human race

Why would I? I have a good life, a lovely family, friends, self-respect, some talents and abilities. But even if I did want to drink it wouldn’t do me any good. One thing addiction does is sets up pathways in the brain and these seem to stay. So you could say my brain is wired for addiction and, if I got back into it all, I know it wouldn’t be long before I’d be back where I was thirty-odd years ago.

No thanks.

Take care.

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